2021.10.25 03:31 cainkarl 42 [M4F] Alaska – Be curious, not judgmental
Posting this before I go to bed. This is going to be a long one so buckle in.
I can be talkative, it comes out in my writing, so I really appreciate anyone who at least gives this a read.
I've posted before and met some nice people on here but still searching for someone special. Honestly looking for dates online makes me want to give up. Everyone is so freaking young. I know I still feel like a 16 year old kid just confused and feeling like everyone found someone early on except for me.
I feel egotistical talking about myself, however others gave me some advice that if I describe as much as I can about myself and what I am like, then I'll have a better chance of finding someone who connects with me, so here it goes.
First off, I asked some family and friends to point some things out about me as well both positive and negative. Many pointed out that I can get childishly frustrated over little things. Losing my keys, doing badly at a group online game, being stressed over time and being late. While I never take it out on a person, it's still a little embarrassing, so I'm working on doing better with that. Also, I can be a people pleaser, I like having small groups of friends and family over at my place for movie or game nights regularly. I prefer getting to know people one at a time if I do not know them.
As the winter gets colder and darker here in Alaska my loneliness sets in. I hate feeling needy, and I have found I would rather turn away from a potential partner because of it. Even if it hurts I find if things don't work out or I get ghosted, it's easier to let it go and then call up my male friends for support and my female friends for some hugs, then it's pizza and all the Mario party or Left 4 Dead I need to feel better. I have an awesome support system in my friends and family but none of them work for me romantically.
I love marvel and DC shows and movies, and I think my interests sway more towards animated shows and comedies. I work hard, help others, and pay my taxes so who cares if I want to see Scooby Doo and Courage the cowardly dog hang out? I need something to brighten my day, not bring me down. A few shows I enjoy are, Ted Lasso, Stargirl, Murdoch Mysteries, Brooklyn Nine Nine and the Rookie. I've never watched more than half an episode of reality TV. I am super freaked out of horror and yet fascinated by the hard work, dedication and crazy story threads thanks to learning about the YouTube series 'kill count'. I'll give anything a try and I'm always to go to person when someone wants to share or go out and do something new or different.
Outside of Weird Al and Nathan Fillion I don't know much about famous musicians or famous people. I'm not opposed to it, just not going to go out of my way for it. I enjoy listening to any music that's out there and yet I couldn't tell you who made it. I tend to remember songs by attaching them to something I enjoy.
I should mention I suck at guy stuff. I can't fix electronics, I know nothing of carpentry or plumbing, I'm not into big trucks, don't care for alcohol outside of social events and I do not get the weird fascination with movies like Fight Club and 90 percent of Bond films (Casino Royale was pretty cool). I also don't care about sports in general. However once I learned that most women still found me attractive regardless of those things I realized I didn't have to care about any of that. Long as someone cares and is open to things I'm good.
I have nothing tying me down. No kids, no loans or student debt. I live in a nice cabin and I'd love to own a house someday. I run my own business so my hours can be a little chaotic but I make sure to take time off. I love to cook and keep things moderately clean. I mean, some days you just can't help but throw your coat on the floor and collapse after a long day but as I like to have company over to watch movies or play games and such I like to keep things clean. I never understood the idea of a person on their own who couldn't clean, cook, do laundry and basic ironing. For crying out loud there are a million pages and videos to show how to do it. It's the future.
I love to talk about a lot of things and I love to learn not only new things but things I might have incorrect assumptions about. I love being open to the possibility that I could be wrong about something and I think the best way to figure something out is to try and prove yourself false. If I hear something that matches what I feel, I immediately want to read the other side of it. Why did this person hate the film or book?
I do play video games. I actually collect them. However I will note that I am not into MMO's, I prefer multiplayer games with people sitting with me in the same room or couch-co-op, and while there are times I can get hyper focused on something I enjoy until I finish it, it extends past games to include books and shows if I like them enough. And yet a person will always be more important. I can pause or just shut a game off, put in a bookmark or watch the show later. The idea of someone ruining a marriage or a relationship because they can't take a break from something is ridiculous.
I feel like I am everyone's rock to the people in my life. I'm who everyone depends on and goes to when they need someone to talk too. I am a problem solver. Yet it feels like when I need to talk or I feel alone, I have no one to talk too. I've been seeing a counselor for my depression and anxiety issues and trying to be more upfront about my feelings, however the past few weeks have proved that most of my friends can't handle me having a rough time. It freaks them out so I just soldier on. My youngest niece got covid and had a temperature of 103. The thought of losing her hit so hard I was crying uncontrollably. She is better now and I'm spending time with my nieces and nephew on Zoom calls as they just want to spend time with me and talk about stuff. I'm glad things are better, but during that time I found that it sucks going through difficult times by yourself.
I want a partnership and I look back and realize I have never had a healthy one. I've been in a lot of relationships but the majority of them tend to be with women who turn out to be abusive which has left me very cautious. Being told I was a jerk because I 'friend-zoned' them by not having sex with them after they screamed at me for an hour is infuriating.
I look really conservative but I guess I'm more left leaning in my politics. Feel free to ask me anything you'd like to know and I'll be honest about it. I've found that a lot of people at their core can be better through a good chat. Not everyone of course, but hey, it's worth trying if you want things to change. I can't do the big stuff, but I can get a few more people to wear a mask or to respect someone they may disagree with then cool.
I can't get behind hating or harassing anyone until I've learned all there is to it. I've always felt that if you idolize someone or make a monster out of someone then you lose control to them. Everyone wants to feel good going after shitty people but I would rather try and help the victim first and I want to know the whole picture before getting on the hate train. How many times have people gone nuts on someone only to learn that they were wrong? I think it is better to take your time, wait to know more about things so that when you do you are far more justified in calling them a piece of shit. My psych profile said I'd make a good counselor because I can listen to others judgment free which is pretty cool to learn.
I am in the process of losing weight and getting fit after some past medical issues. I'm never going to fully give up pizza and junk food, but I want to not let it consume my life and I love riding a bike, jogging and getting out in moderation. I really need someone who is active, trying to be active like me or will at least be supportive. I've been getting tired of people telling me I should love the way I look and that everyone is attracted to different things. I don't need to look like Captain America but I'd like to at least have a smaller stomach. I hate taking pictures of myself but I had one taken of me recently here: https://imgur.com/6NVt5pa, and one of me dressed up as Thor for Halloween here https://imgur.com/72SakGf
I'm working on building my self worth currently. Dipping my toe into small side hobbies. Acting, game making, learning how to play the piano, taking up painting and writing. I mean I am awful at it but I'm giving it a shot.
I'm currently working on a project, hoping to start a small company and create my own self funded video games. I love telling stories and I think my medium will be through video games.
I always thought I'd have a family of my own by now. I would adopt if it wasn't so freaking expensive. I wanted to be a dad in first grade and I did babysitting when I was 14. I did daycare and teaching in my late teens and early twenties. Just thought I'd meet the right person. Always safe and careful so no kids. I don't mind single mothers and I have no problem taking the time to wait or even adopting one. I was a great step dad to a lot of kids for a short time. How ever dealing with abusive, controlling and manipulative mothers meant it didn't last long. The last one had codependency issues and I wanted her to see her self worth first and instead she married her abuser. I got stories.
I really want some time to hand hold, kiss and just get to know someone. If you are in a rush, that is going to be a problem. I only recently found out I might be demi which explains a lot. It takes me 4 weeks to have a one night stand. On that note, not being able to have sex would be a deal breaker but man I love snuggling and cuddling so damn much. Hop up when I'm sitting down, hug me and never let go. I am a big hugger. I always respect a persons boundaries and if it's a slow build all the better, but pure loving physical contact is something I enjoy immensely.
If we do not click or there is no interest then that's that. Might make a new friend or just move on if there is no spark. I'd prefer a harsh truth to a soft lie and hope that we find someone right for us.
Thanks for reading this. Hope to hear from you.
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2021.10.25 03:31 NotAnImmatureGTRFan They call me Mr. Bandwagon
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2021.10.25 03:31 scorpiknox And then they all purred.
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2021.10.25 03:31 iamnotomrroboto EDM track I made with the OP-1 and Reason
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2021.10.25 03:31 hyyyperlink 🇩🇪🍻 German Ape checkin‘ in: This is why I 💜 Superstonk. KeepUp the good vibes. Buy, hodl, DRS.
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2021.10.25 03:31 rishabhmishrr r8009940
2021.10.25 03:31 Terror-Byte-523 TIFU when I went to get Tums
This happened a few minutes ago
I (17m) have been working really hard to complete all my school work and apply to colleges lately. Because of this I have been spending a lot of my time in my room late into the night. I am usually in bed by 11pm for my class at 6am, but that has gotten pushed to ~12 or 1 on school nights. I live at home with my parents and my mom is in bed around the same time. However my dad's work is abnormal and there are days where he doesn't have to work. Tomorrow he doesn't have to work and he has been up all night drinking and watching the NFL. I had eaten some buffalo wings earlier for dinner and had raging heartburn. I assume that he is catching up on the days games and decide to go downstairs to grab some tums. I find him on the couch watching porn, with the flag pole out and everything. I walk into the bathroom, grab the tums and bolt. He definitely didn't expect me to still be up and I (foolishly) expected him to be watching football. He came up to my room and tried to apologize but I am too in shock to process. I don't think I can look at him the same again. Plus it is his birthday Wednesday and I got him a brand new bass. Maybe I should hold onto it.
TLDR; I had heart burn and went downstairs to get tums, found my dad watching porn on the couch.
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2021.10.25 03:31 shrimpyhugs Just a question about space marines and model ratios
Just looking through the various iterations and i have a question about scale. It seems to be that 1 model = approximately 3-7 actual soldiers. However when you look at the organisation of the space marine army lists it seems to be dealing with a 1:1 figure ratio. I get that spacemarines are larger superman human elite troops, so their numbers are fewer and the ratio would be the lower end of that scale but 3:1 is still nowhere near 1:1. A chapter of space marines is supposed to be 1000 soldiers in 10 companies with 10 squads of 10 men. And thats the same amount of figures you'd get in the game if you did a full chapter. Why is the basing 2 bases of 5 instead of 1 base of 10, representing squads? Seems like starting with the basic unit being a squad makes more sense than a half squad. I guess its just the system and you have to fit each factions organisation into a unified basing system, but at the scale its being done i dont understand why they didnt start with a 40x20mm base with 10 figures on it.
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2021.10.25 03:31 gastralia1 You guys ever brought a friend over?
2021.10.25 03:31 Sas2501 Is this normal?
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2021.10.25 03:31 cthulhu_fartagn Castlevania 64
And that completes the 64 era of Castlevania. Now, onto more enjoyable games.
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2021.10.25 03:31 VictorAVB Step by Step guide to building a job board using web scraping
Hi Guys check out my latest post where I show you step by step how I build a job board using, webflow, airtable and web scraping data https://webautomation.io/blog/step-by-step-guide-to-building-a-job-board-using-web-scraping/
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2021.10.25 03:31 GlennieCollazo Foxville.app is leading blockchain gaming platform - 2D NFTs Whitelist in 9 hr 0.5SOL
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|Solana Blockchain||-----||Binance smart chain|
2021.10.25 03:31 TheOwenator96 (WTS) Price Drop PVS 14, GST 9, Eotech 4x magnifier (WA)
Cleaning out the things I don't use and most likely won't use.
First up is a Gen 3 Kenzie's Optics PVS 14. Included is a skull crusher, rifle mount, j arm, rhino mount, baseplate, TM, and some other stuff. Its all pictured. PM me for questions. Used to LARP around my house and show off to my friends, but thats it. Small black spot shown in upper right of pictures. - $2400
Optic stuff- https://imgur.com/a/QZ7jWEe
L3 Eotech 4x magnifier on ARMS QD mount. I got it on trade off here, kept the EXPS that it came with, and decided I didn't want this. I don't know what it's worth because I couldn't find any online or on here. Starting at $300 (if thats a crazy price for it, let me know)
Cabela's Covenant 4 4-16 power scope- It is second focal plane, that's about all I know about it. Again, mounted, then put it in the safe as a placeholder until I could find something tacticooler. 9.5/10 condition- $100
Weaver 30mm high scope rings- brand new, never mounted anything in it. - $10 add on to the cabela's scope
80% Shenanigans- https://imgur.com/a/iA05dM6
1 GST-9 unmilled (in every sense of the word) 80% glock frames. These are neat. The backstrap and magwell are one piece that can be interchanged to have a longer, G17 grip length, or shorter G19 grip length. Included is 2 FDE straps/mag well. They are brand new in box, taken out to ogle at. Oh, and the mag wells are already flared on all the extra parts so no need to buy one. $140
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2021.10.25 03:31 AlvinInc Autumn Campsite 🍂🏕🍂
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2021.10.25 03:31 rockafellovv Felt like this fit here
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2021.10.25 03:31 toschneider Rolling In The Clouds - NFT Drop on Foundation (Link in the comments)
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2021.10.25 03:31 HealerStandBestStand I need to find this meme template please. It like slapping your past self meme
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2021.10.25 03:31 Witch_Parent576 Catra is more similar to Ventress, but still...
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2021.10.25 03:31 _WiLd3R_99_ Reddit as a coping mechanism doesn't work anymore ☹️
2021.10.25 03:31 Weed_Scout420 "Cringe" ist zum Jugendwort des Jahres gewählt worden.
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2021.10.25 03:31 bananaman11001 Played some games with a Dev today.
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2021.10.25 03:31 AutoModerator DOORDASH COUPON PROMO CODE: $10 OFF YOUR FIRST THREE ORDERS OVER $15 (WORKING SEP. 2021)
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